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Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriously

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Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriously

Postby RosieMoonflower » Tue Apr 12, 2016 5:47 pm

I need help. Generally, I am a pretty happy, or at least content person. I can really only remember going through a little bout of depression during my college years, but eventually I got over it by striving forward and graduating and getting a good job. I did my job for 2 years when the school
I work for transferred me to a different school into a new position I'm not actually qualified to do. The new position came with new administration, and the person I'm replacing had 30 years of experience in his field before coming to the school and teaching about it for 8. He was very very good at his job.

Myself on the other hand, I have no idea what I'm doing. My administration has the attitude of: we don't know how to do it either, and we don't care how it gets done, it just better get done. This leaves me working about 50-60 hour work weeks and struggling to find time for myself and my family. My department head is no help either. She's snarky and independent herself and gives me the impression she doesn't respect me because I'm struggling. She gives me the impression she feels as though if I knew I didn't know how to do the job, then I shouldn't have accepted the position.

There was no way I could turn down the position unless I wanted to loose my job all together. I have to have my job because I have a car payment and a mortgage to pay off (both were taken out when I was at my previous position that I loved) I also have student loans to pay off that I had to have to get my job in the first place.

My husband, he is very supportive, but he's tired of hearing me complain. I get that, I mean I know I complain a lot but that's because of the stress and feeling low self esteem because I'm not very good at my job, I'm not trained to do this. I'm learning as I go but that's not always easy. He also says that because of what I get paid, I really shouldn't complain. I do get paid good, but I work freaking hard for it. I've been trying to talk to my mother about lately since it's starting to bum out hubby, but she's getting bummed out too.

The absolute worst is when I get comments like the following: "it can't be that bad."

Ummm... Yes it can. I won't bum you all out with all the details, but it is that bad to me.

"It will get better" This, while probably true, doesn't help me feel better because it's like saying "it really doesn't matter how you feel because you may feel differently in a year from now".

"You're learning a lot I bet" - yes, but this isn't something I want to learn. I never wanted this job. I never asked for it, I was put there and had no choice.

"Start looking for another job" - I would love to get a different job, and I look for things all the time I'm qualified for but they don't pay what mine does and if I take a pay cut I can't afford my mortgage.

This has all been going on since Aug. when school started. What my family doesn't see is all the times I cry on the way home from work because of the stress. They don't realize how much I keep from them because I know it bums them out. Today was particularly difficult as we had a huge event contest my students had to compete in and it was very stressful because I feel I'm not a good enough teacher of this subject to train them well enough to do good in the competition. Plus being new, I had no idea what to expect. While mom was sympathetic today, my husband was not. His comment was "what do you want me to say?"

It just hurts because I'm completely trapped in this position that makes me absolutely miserable and I see no way out. He feels that since there is nothing I can do to change the situation, that I really don't need to be complaining because it doesn't change anything. Almost as if I'm being immature about it. As I stated before, and I feel he should know, I'm typically pretty content. I don't usually let things get me down. But, this situation is just so ever present. 50+ hours a week I live it. I know that eventually it's going to depress me. It's already starting too.

Typically, I talk about things to cope with them. But, no one wants to hear it anymore. I need some better coping mechanisms that help me and don't involve others. In the past I've coped with major stress with alcohol but I don't really want that to become my coping for this because I'm at work all the time, which means I would be drinking all the time. I wish I could just suck it up and be content, and I'm trying. But, I'm not happy. The stress and the amount of hours, on top of the stress of trying to teach myself something new every night and turn around and teach it to teenagers the next day is making me completely miserable, I just can't get over this one. Not to mention the countless hours I spend at the store purchasing supplies.

I don't know if anyone has any good suggestions about how to cope with this, but thanks for letting me get it off my chest. I feel like there is no one left to talk to about my feelings, and I don't want to just target some other family member who eventually will get fed up too.

Rosie



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Re: My job is making me depressed and my family will not tak

Postby SnowCat » Tue Apr 12, 2016 6:23 pm

It's really tough when the people who are paid to have your back, the administration, don't. The excuse that they don't know what they're doing either, is just that, an excuse. Teenagers are a rough group to deal with. Of my five grandkids, one is a teenager, and two are tweens. Those three are in the same family. I travel with them and their six year old sister. I frequently threaten to make on or more ride on the luggage rack.

Your husband is likely just as frustrated as you are, but since he can't storm in and fix the problem, he's left feeling helpless. Hang in there. A lot can be learned in a trial by fire. Keep venting to us. We're here for you. Hugs.

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Re: My job is making me depressed and my family will not tak

Postby RosieMoonflower » Tue Apr 12, 2016 6:38 pm

Thanks snow! That means a lot! It feels good to have a group of people I feel like I can call friends here. I do have friends in real life, I just feel bad because I have no real time to spend with them because I'm always working. I feel like it's rude to run to them when I never have time to hang out with them or be there for them when they are having a hard time. I wish I did because that also makes me feel bad actually saying that because I want to be there for my friends.

While I'm venting, here another one that is hard to hear: "it could always be worse". Yes, of course! Someone could hurt me or my family, I could have no job, or all kinds of scenarios that are worse. But, those responses still leave me feeling like they think my feelings of sadness over this are not justified. Which makes me feel like they don't respect me or my feelings and think I'm being immature or childish. I'm trying so hard to hang in there and just get to the end of the school year, but it's daunting to know I get to repeat this miserable time in my life again next fall, and again and again and again. I just feel stuck in a crappy situation and it just sucks. Thanks again for listening friends!


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Re: My job is making me depressed and my family will not tak

Postby Middleagedseeker » Tue Apr 12, 2016 7:53 pm

I'm sort of in a similar situation. I can totally relate to how you feel!! My closest friend just told me the other day, all you do is b***h about your job! So just find another one! Well that is easier said than done. Like you, I make good money and I have a mortgage to pay, so I can't afford a big pay cut. Hang in there!!! Just know that you are not alone!!
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Re: My job is making me depressed and my family will not tak

Postby SnowCat » Tue Apr 12, 2016 8:39 pm

Keep in mind, both of you, that things can change. And there's nothing wrong with doing some spell work for yourselves to encourage the changes that you want.

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Re: My job is making me depressed and my family will not tak

Postby smogie_michele » Tue Apr 12, 2016 8:51 pm

I'm sorry you have to go through this! Hugs to you, I hope it gets better soon!
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My job is making me depressed and my family will not take it

Postby Katrinkah » Tue Apr 12, 2016 9:53 pm

Duuuuuude, I have totally been where you are at and it sucked so bad. Well not exactly where you are, but I was stuck in a job where I didn't have the proper backing from the heads and was even disrespected on a regular basis. And yes, I did cry while getting ready for work on a regular basis! And my husband got tired of the complaining too. I eventually had to just quit and take a leap of faith that the universe would catch me, and it did. But I stayed for 5 years before I took that leap, and I wondered why I had not done it earlier. I know that it's way harder to take that leap then it sounds so just remember to do things for yourself. And maybe cope with exercise, bubble baths, meditation, and Ho'oponopono instead of booze. I really feel for you and hope you find either a new job or satisfaction with that one somehow. Hang in there, there is always light and the end of the tunnel. Sending good vibes your way!
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby RosieMoonflower » Wed Apr 20, 2016 12:35 pm

Well, since I've returned from the competition I recently took my students to, things have been slightly better as far as my personal morale and confidence in myself. One of my students placed 2nd overall! There were not many other competitors but my administration doesn't have to know that.. [WINKING FACE] I was so proud of her. She received statewide recognition, a silver medal and 3 scholarships to culinary arts schools. That's what I teach, culinary Arts, and I'm not a chef. I have no idea why they put me in this situation.... (And, please don't say that sounds like fun. It sounds like fun, but what it really takes to pull it off at my skill level in the kitchen is a lot of very hard work) But, still having a student do so well and be so handsomely rewarded made all the hoops I had to jump through to get her there and prepare her completely worth it.

Well, of course the good times don't last long.. 2 days ago another teacher in my department text me and reminded me of an important meeting we had today. Then she sent a group text to all in our department asking where we were meet at in the school. The department head immediately text her back the location. So yesterday as I was preparing for this meeting I realized the meeting time had not been mentioned. It wasn't on the agenda either. So I text the same group message my colleague had used to get the location, and asked about the meeting time. In the past we have met earlier than when school actually started so we could get out early. Also, the last time we met we actually started at 9am, 15 mins after school begins. I thought this to be a fair question, however a woman in our department who is not my boss by any means replies in the most rude way possible.. Here are the texts EXACTLY as they are in my phone:

Me: What time will we be meeting tomorrow in the library computer lab?

Random coworker's response: Seriously?? School starts at 8:45. Be there and be ready to go.

I'm still just like in shock. I've never done anything to this woman, ever. Everyone else talks about her and how she always has a super bad attitude. I did absolutely nothing to deserve a response like that, and "in front of" all the other teachers who's numbers were included in that group message. Of course I know what time school starts! I've been teaching here all year! Well as you can imagine today when we were each presenting the information we were asked to gather and present, I was the only one who was interrupted mid presentation and you can guess by who... She said, "Before you go on can I make one suggestion?" And immediately started to tell me how to improve what I was doing. Like what the heck lady?!?! I'm doing my best here and of course you have a great suggestion, you've been doing this 25 years or so, but there is a more appropriate time and place to do that. This was never meant to be something that was critiqued but my boss didn't stop her, just sat there listening and nodding. It was hell. So after she drug on for a long time, she finally shut up and I finished my presentation. It lacked enthusiasm after that point and pretty much sucked. To sum up, I am feeling more confident in what I'm teaching, but the situation with not really having any friends or supportive people at work is still ever present. Sigh...

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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby Katrinkah » Fri Apr 22, 2016 3:29 am

Ground yourself and hang in there! Try to block negative BS that people project. I kinda just feel sorry for people like that, after I get over being pissed of course! Lol. That random co-worker probably beats themselves up more.
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby Middleagedseeker » Sun Jun 05, 2016 11:24 am

Hey Katrinkah, just want you to know what you said to Rosie, I totally related to! About taking the leap and trusting the Universe would catch me. I did just that!!!!!!! My hours got cut back at work, but then later after the Administrator was fired, they reinstated our hours but I REQUESTED mine stay shorter! So I'm taking a cut in my paycheck with less hours, but I picked up a second job that is totally different and something I LOVE doing, to supplement my income. I took a chance that the Goddess would guide me and I just decided to Let go and let Goddess. It has been wonderful so far!!!!!!!! Less stress!!!!!! Thank you for that post to Rosie!!!!! Sorry Rosie for butting in on your original post. :surprisedwitch:
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby Katrinkah » Mon Jun 06, 2016 1:55 am

Middleagedseeker wrote:Hey Katrinkah, just want you to know what you said to Rosie, I totally related to! About taking the leap and trusting the Universe would catch me. I did just that!!!!!!! My hours got cut back at work, but then later after the Administrator was fired, they reinstated our hours but I REQUESTED mine stay shorter! So I'm taking a cut in my paycheck with less hours, but I picked up a second job that is totally different and something I LOVE doing, to supplement my income. I took a chance that the Goddess would guide me and I just decided to Let go and let Goddess. It has been wonderful so far!!!!!!!! Less stress!!!!!! Thank you for that post to Rosie!!!!! Sorry Rosie for butting in on your original post. :surprisedwitch:


This is wonderful and warms my heart to hear!!! Good for you!!!
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby Kassandra » Mon Jun 06, 2016 7:51 am

.


Glad things worked out Rosie.




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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby moonraingirl » Wed Jun 08, 2016 9:04 am

Hi Rosie, I don't have any particular advice for you, just wanted to say that I 100% understand what are you going trough.
I taught at the primary school last year. I have neither degree nor experience in teaching. And my English is definitely not on a professional level. I only studied it at high school. Anyway, their English teacher left suddenly after first two weeks of school and there was no one to sub so one family friend called me and asked if I wanted to try teaching. I could teach legally because it was classified as an exceptional circumstance. I agreed and I imagined what great innovative methods I would use and how kids would love me.
Of course, it was not so. The kids (2nd and 5th grade) made my teaching experience a living hell. I will not describe what they did during the lessons but I'll say that I had nightmares and used to wake up at night thinking over and over what should I have done differently and how would I respond next time something like that happens.
My trainer teacher didn't help me at all and didn't answer my questions about teaching or discipline. The director was super strict and found a mistake in my lessons each time she visited but never gave me any advice about what I SHOULD do.
And I felt betrayed when I discovered one thing at the end of school year. I taught second graders and they didn't have any textbooks or study materials. I was only given a curriculum 2 pages long that contained headlines of topics and number of lessons. For example : My family- 4 lessons. That was ALL I had. And absolutely NO experience with teaching. I had to Google everything, from developmental characteristics of children of that age to basic principles of teaching. And I had to make my own worksheets, my own flashcards etc. Than, at the end of the school year, I discovered that my colleague had a textbook, flashcards and DVD which were exactly based on my curriculum. He didn't teach 2nd grade that year and he knew very well that I needed those resources. He just didn't want to help me.
I've had enough and I quit. Now I work as a shop assistant and I'm satisfied.
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby RosieMoonflower » Wed Nov 16, 2016 12:31 am

Thanks for reaching out moonraingirl. I wish I could say things have improved. But, they have worsened. One of my coworkers took a picture of something I put in my Facebook and sent it to my boss. It wasn't anything bad, just a joke about seniors having senioritis. My boss was cool about it but I still took it down. I was so embarrassed he had to even ask me about it. I have no idea what I've done to these woman to make them hate me that much, but they do. One of them admitted she knew about the whole situation and she isn't even my friend on Facebook so they are obviously talking about me to other teachers. And the past few weeks I've been loosing steam and self confidence again. I still don't know much better about what I'm doing than I did last year. I'm stressing out about this years competition. Because one of my kids did so good last year, I have 7 kids wanting to go this year, 7.... I can't even wrap my brain about how much sleep I'm going to loose to try to pull this off..

The worst part, is its starting to affect my marriage. My husband said today that me being miserable is making him miserable. We've been arguing for about 48 straight and my adrenaline is through the roof over it. He says things like "how bad can your job be?" & "what do you not expect to have to work at your job? I'm sorry there aren't any jobs that give you massages all day". Like, I know that. I'm not afraid to work hard. I've worked so hard to get through school and support myself and get my teaching license. He knows that. He's just being insensitive. If I stick it out just this year and next I can have $5,000 of my student loans forgiven. I know that's the goal. It's just so hard when my job is so demanding, I don't understand the curriculum myself and it hurts my self esteem, then on top of that my coworkers hate me and I have I no idea why... I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard..

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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby Katrinkah » Fri Dec 09, 2016 4:39 am

Awe man :( Fighting with a spouse and working a job you hate is super draining. Im sorry to hear that things are still going badly.
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