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Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriously

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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby moonraingirl » Fri Dec 09, 2016 6:12 am

This must be so frustrating for you, Rosie!

Again, I can't help you but please be assured that I couldn't understand your situation more! Perhaps knowing that somewhere there's a person who had gone through similar situation and had the same feelings and panic attacks will comfort you a little tiny bit.

I was the odd one out in the staff room, too. One of the teachers directly told me that she wanted my job and that she was angry it wasn't offered to her. She kept telling me how much better she is qualified to teach.

I know about the exhaustion you talk about. When I came from school I used to be almost dead, I was shaking from stress if I had a particularly stressful lesson and I was basically on the verge of nervous breakdown.

The most frustrating part was that the more time I spent on preparation and thinking about motivation the more terrible the classes actually went. I spent whole weekend searching for an interesting video and interactive exercises, just to be told by students how boring it was!
I worked on a worksheet for half day on Sunday and my student tore it to tiny pieces the moment he got it in an act of teenage rebellion. The number of similar situations was high.

I hope reading that you are not alone and that there are other teachers who feel the same will help you a little.

Sending you positive energy!
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby moonraingirl » Fri Dec 09, 2016 6:17 am

And I was told by people that I look tired and one of my friends actually told me she feels my negative energy and it is difficult for her to be with me.

My own mom, who is a very kind, loving and supportive person told me she can't have lunch with me because I was so stressed (I was quiet and didn't complain at all!) that she can't enjoy her meal!
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby CleverlyDisguised » Fri Dec 09, 2016 7:47 am

While I don't have much input on the job situation as I don't teach, have never taught and likely will never teach (i generally dislike people, whole other story) I can give you my coping strategies.

Go for a walk in the woods and feed your doubts and negative emotions to the wind or water.

Go shooting and picture the bullets absorbing the negative emotions and then fire them one at a time releasing the emotions as you do
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby Bychan Wulf » Fri Dec 09, 2016 8:08 am

You as teachers shouldn't be affected by the way your pupils see you. You will rarely find one who love you as much as you love them all or who will appreciate what you are trying to prepare for them

I can see both the perspective of a student and a teacher and I am still in school and most of my family members have been teachers.
It is almost impossible to please everyone,especially when they start the relationship with the idea that they hate school,teachers,home works and everything that has to do with these.
Try to look for those few that like,respect and appreciate you and focus about the energies they send you.

If you concentrate and open yourself on the source of positive energy,the negative one will just flow through you,without actually affecting you.

Blessed be and positive energy is sent your way! :-)
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby moonraingirl » Fri Dec 09, 2016 2:13 pm

You're right, Wulf.
It's just that maybe teaching is not a job for everyone. I believe it demands a certain type of personality. While I really enjoyed teaching itself, I truly suffered when it came to the issue of discipline. I am an introvert and a Highly Sensitive Person which means that my nervous system is more sensitive to all kinds of stimuli, including noise and is overwhelmed by being in a crowd of people etc. I thrive in situations where I can be with someone on one-on one basis and build the relationship on trust and knowing one another.
But when I had to control 25 teenagers (5th graders are teenagers nowadays) or childish 2nd graders, I was simply totally lost and I had no idea what to do.
What was the worst was that sometimes I would get panic attacks right in the class and I got vertigo so I was afraid that I would faint. I had to open the window and sometimes I had to hold the table or a chair for fear of falling down. Children obviously sensed my insecurity which provoked them to even worse misbehaviour...
As I said, for me, quitting was the only option. Second option was mental hospital.
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby Bychan Wulf » Fri Dec 09, 2016 2:30 pm

Children are the best psychologists and they can sense these things really fast. They can also be very cruel both with eachother and the ones around them.

I have such a teacher too. She teaches both 5th to 8th grade and 9th to 12th. She is not able to yell at her students so she chose to be sarcastic. This together with the fact that the final score lies in her hands,makes her get the respect of the students. Of course there are at least 20 students out of 30 that truly hate her and also wished at some point that a car would hit her.
She learned to release that negativity through sarcasm and humour and to connect with the few students who understood and loved her.

I actually asked her how she makes it and she said that in the end,seing all of us have good results and receiving a honest "thank you" from a single student,makes it worth it.

Still,I understand you, I would never be able to sit in front of a class and talk,knowing there are many who don't want me there. I truly appreciate those who can,especially the introverts and HSPs
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby SpiritTalker » Sat Dec 10, 2016 2:48 pm

Rosie, you've been in this position a while now, and will have picked up some skills and knowledge. Allow yourself the chance to appreciate what these acquired talents are.these become strengths. Little by little you build up. Give yourself credit.
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Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriously

Postby RosieMoonflower » Sun Dec 11, 2016 1:12 pm

Thanks SpiritTalker. Yes, I'm half way through my second year teaching in this position and I have learned a lot. However, I still have so much more to learn. The subject I teach is culinary arts and I'm not a chef. Now before you say "that sounds like fun" let me explain. It IS fun. And I LOVE the kids. If that's all it really was, me teaching a bunch of wonderful kids to cook, it would be great, but there is so much more to teaching than teaching. The amount of time I have to give up outside of a regular school day to plan lessons is weighing me down. And, to teach 125 kids to cook, I have to have the food and ingredients to use in every lesson, well I have to do all that grocery shopping on my own time, in my own car, using my own gas. Yes, the school pays for the groceries but I have to spend so much time at the grocery store and it's never ending, I go at least 2 times a week, sometimes more.

Then there's the culinary arts competition I'm required to take my kids to in the spring. It's a great opportunity for them but it's a ton of work for me. There's practice and grocery shopping for that which all happens outside of school hours. We have to raise the money to be able to go, so registration fee, hotel, etc. the previous teacher set up a fundraiser where the kids sell coffee to other students before school, so I've continued with that. So I'm at work 2 hours before most teachers come in, and I'm getting paid the same. I need time for myself, for my husband, for my friends and other family, and if I make time for them, something else for work doesn't get done, so I end up playing catch up so much that I've just stopped trying to make time for others.

I wish I could say the situation with my coworkers has improved but it hasn't. My department head is really just suppose to delegate information to me. She's not my boss and she can't fire me. But, still she tries to micromanage me every chance she gets. It's annoying but I've realized, I'm sure most people have an annoying coworker who tries use their position to go on a power trip, so I figured I should just deal with that one. However, another woman who is in my department but is in no way my boss or has any higher title than me at all, took a picture of something I posted on my social media and shared it with the principal who IS my boss. He CAN fire me, if he wants. It was humiliating when he asked me about it. What I put wasn't bad, it was just a joke about how seniors don't really want to do anything, we call it "senioritis". In the sense that you should never ever post anything about your job on social media, then yeah, I was in the wrong. But, almost everyone who's seen it that is a teacher that I've talked to, said they understood it was a joke and didn't think anything of it.

I don't understand why she would do that to me. She and I work closely. We teach a few of the same classes and even planned lessons together a few times. I'd hoped she would turn into a friend and we would plan together more often, helping me out immensely. If she was really bothered by it, why didn't she just bring it to me and ask me about it? Well, the next week I learned that she didn't just show it to the principal. She showed it to all my coworkers who teach on my hall. So as you can imagine, I'm a total outcast amongst the teachers. I always sit by myself in the faculty meetings. I think people in other departments assume that if my department doesn't sit with me, there must be a reason so no one invites me to sit with them. And, okay, I'm an adult. I DO have friends outside of work, and I'm not there to me "make friends", ya know, I'm there to teach. But, it would be nice to have a friendly co-worker to chat with sometimes. I feel very isolated. I have no one to reach out to to ask for help when I need it.

It's just all very depressing. It really got to me last month. I was really really down last month. My husband said I was making him miserable with my miserableness. That hurt a lot. But, again, I'm stuck. I have to stay at least one more school year to get my student loans forgiven, and I will stay so I can get that. Hopefully, next year will be better. Like I said, if it really was just me teaching kids how to cook, then it would be great. But, there's just so much more to it.

Rosie


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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby Bychan Wulf » Sun Dec 11, 2016 1:39 pm

I read an article about while ago about the way animals and humans notice the weakest among them and try to kill him. For humans it is usually involuntarily. You are probably an empath (I didn't read all your posts;I'm sorry) and tried to be there for everybody and always lend a hand. They didn't get it as help,or as being polite,but as a sign of inferiority and as a constant try to get accepted.
I'm not saying that's what you do;it's just how some people misunderstand it.
They think you have a weak character and feel superior and strong when they treat you like that. I think that next time somebody tries to give you orders or treat you badly,you should say no and tell them what's bothering you and how you'd like to be treated. If you say you are lonely and an "outsider", it can't hurt you. I actually saw this working,but not in an adult environment. If it is the involuntarily behaviour that I was talking about earlier,they will understand you and your point and will ease on you (maybe also befriend you)

Regarding what you posted on social media;it is YOUR page,YOUR private time and YOUR right for freedom of speech. As far as I know the rules,he can't fire you for making a joke outside the school,even if he doesn't like it. Maybe make your life harder so that you leave by yourself,but I don't think he can hurt you more than the others already are (only if he breaks the law and then it's bad for him). Don't your colleagues have a sense of humour? Everybody does;they just want to make you feel bad for their own elation.

Your husband is right to feel that way,but neither of you are guilty. You could involve him in your problems and brainstorm together,but without constantly complaining. Guys can't take the complaints and crying sessions for a long time;they feel unable to help and give up.
Try to look at your problems in a sarcastic way. Even if it hurts you,talk to him about this as if you were laughing about your problems. If it won't relax you,it will make him feel a little bit more relaxed for sure. You don't want to lose him because of some idiots at work..it's not worth it!
You could also go hiking,have a picnick or go on a trip on the weekends,just the two of you and have fun. Even if you don’t feel like it,do it for him and it will come to you too.
It will also help you feel that your life is not only the time spent with the people who make you feel down.

PS: adopt a new baby pet,if you don't already have too many. Kittens or puppies are extremely benefic for depression or any kind of negativity.

Man,I feel so angry at your colleagues right now!
Sending you positive energy and BB,Rosie!
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby firebirdflys » Sun Dec 18, 2016 1:19 pm

Hi dear!
I seemed to have missed this.
It's really unfortunate some of the kids these days don't realize this is Their time and Their opportunity to get an education, while their little brains are still young an able to absorb the information easier. Once they get old they will think...why didn't I pay attention better when I was in school? And then they will be kicking themselves.
You are amazing, just keep that in mind....and tell yourself that over and over even if you don't believe it. It takes some time to change our way of thinking. Just look at you! Dispite all the garbage going down you persevere, and that's a strength.
I have a feeling all the other teachers may be jealous in some way. You got this job, and maybe they wanted it. You didn't have the skills initially yet you have found a way to make it work and even had a child who scored well in a competition. Perhaps they see you as some sort of threat...It's their own insecurities making them behave badly.
And anyone who doesn't get a chuckle out of "seniorities", doesn't have a sense of humor. Blow them off, that wasn't offensive in the least...it's not like you were saying people with Alzheimer's are stupid, now that would have really been hurtful. We all have a senior moments...even if were not seniors yet!
Husband will be of no help...like someone else mentioned...he can't fix it so he feels helpless and frustrated. Maybe just ask for a real long hug without any expectation from him or any reason for why you need the hug.
Screaming in the car might help before you get home, may diffuse some of your agitation so when you walk in the door, you just say dang those women are trouble, or say nothing at all, just, "I need a hug", (because you are awesome and doing way more than you originally signed up for)
One last thought...could these people possibly know you are a witch and are therefore feeling somewhat threatened by you?
Many blessings,
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Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriously

Postby RosieMoonflower » Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:46 pm

Thanks for the reply and kind words FF! For me, it's not the kids. The kids are the reason I'm in this and still doing it. They are the reason that I don't give up and quit. I can't imagine what it would be like to teach elementary age kids, and moonraingirl is right, no matter what age you teach you do have to have a certain personality to be able to deal with everything a teacher has to deal with, including the kiddos. But, for me personally, the kids are the least of the problem... What IS hard when it comes to the kids is when hey WANT to learn and have questions that I can't answer. That's where the low self esteem comes from. It's just hard to know they are looking for me to lead and inspire them in the culinary arts and most days it feels like the blind leading the blind...

Looking back at it, I also know a lot of the frustration I experience comes from the fact that I'm resentful to be in the position in the first place. I was in a school teaching younger grades basic life skills, including basic cooking and I loved it! The pressure was just much lower, and I knew all the skills I was expected to teach. The only reason I was moved was because of district numbers and student population, so this wasn't my choice at all.

On top of all that I have to deal with backstabbing, untrustworthy coworkers. I know the incident with the coworkers are what really brought me down again lately.

I definitely think you are and B-wulf are right, and I think in the beginning I came in wanting to be helpful and being younger than the rest I wasn't burnt out and I just generally wanted to make a good impression on my new coworker, boss, and students. I think this could have come across needy or weak in someway. That's why I think my department head zeroed in on me, easy target.. But, the other women, the ones trying to get my in trouble for my social media, they may be jealous. I'm not %100 sure why, but it may be that they expected me to totally collapse under the pressure my first year, maybe even expected me to quit, but when I didn't, and I persevered and still made good impressions here and there, I think they found me as a threat. But, we don't work in a type of industry where we are competing with each other. We are evaluated against a standard, not each other.

Thanks for understanding that my post was just a joke FF. You're right, I could think of lots of ways that my post could have been worded and would have been disrespectful, but I was smart enough not to word it that way. It's not like I said "all these seniors are lazy and will never amount to anything after they graduate!" Ummm, yeah, that would be inappropriate, but that's not what I said! Anyways, yes, who cares now. Blow them off...

Hubby and I are coming to terms with all this too. I understand now that his frustration came from a place of wanting to fix my problems but not being able to and feeling helpless. At the time I saw it more from my own perspective that I need someone to let me vent to them to be able to get through this and even though he wants to help he can't, and the best thing he can do to help is just listen with a smile and a hug. But, I see now there needs to be a balance so I don't bring home down just because I'm down.

As far as everyone knowing I'm pagan, this isn't something I'm out about to many, only my husband and few close friend. However, I'm sure my coworkers know that I'm "different". They probably use the term "weird", lol. I live in the Bible Belt and many young woman are obsessed with Jesus and crosses, and I'm not, so I'm sure that stands out. I'm sure just by that and following me on social media they've figured out I'm not a devout Christian like so many others, jut because they never hear me say "at church the other day", or take pictures of church events and post them or stuff like that. I have visible tattoos, again not common for a young Christian woman, unless that tattoo is a cross or scripture I something like that. So yeah, I don't go around and tell my coworkers how I smudged my house over the weekend but, I'm sure they still suspect something's up... So, if that's the reason they are all over me, so be it I guess because that's just me being me.

And, in my attempt to look on the bright side, I do see how much I've learned in the past 1.5 years. Prior to this, like most Americans I imagine, I only did basic cooking, and I rarely used fresh ingredients. Now I make everything from scratch and even though it takes longer, I know it's better for us to eat then all the packaged, frozen, and preserved stuff..

Anyways, you guys are awesome! Thanks so much for the kind words and comments. I get 2 weeks off for Christmas so I'm going to enjoy my time off and try not to think about it for now. Hope you guys are enjoying your holiday time!!

Rosie


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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby Bychan Wulf » Mon Dec 19, 2016 4:07 pm

Have a merry Yule and Christmas holiday! I'm sure it will bring you back up.
Whenever this thought comes to mind,just put it away;think of a happy moment from your life, make a happy moment or even start doing something you enjoy.

Blessed be andone have a wonderful day! :fairy:
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby firebirdflys » Mon Dec 19, 2016 10:01 pm

Woo Hoo!
smiley_dance have a good winter break!
Blessed Holiday to you :fairy:
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby moonraingirl » Tue Dec 20, 2016 1:18 am

I'm so glad you found something positive about your job! :-D

Cooking from scratch and eating healthy is a very important thing! Not only you get proper nutrition, but I believe that the saying "Love comes through stomach" is true. When you cook, you can add love to your meals and your family will feel it.

Happy holidays!
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Re: Job is making me depressed & family not taking it seriou

Postby RosieMoonflower » Tue Dec 20, 2016 1:45 pm

Yes, it is moonraingirl! I always knew basic nutrition, like balancing food groups and whatnot, but never was I d aware of all of the craziness going on with food additives in American food, not to mention GMO's!

And, I can say another positive is the gardening aspect. Gardening is something I always wanted to try my hand in, but I wasn't really interested in vegetable gardening. More like flowers and house plants. Anyways, now I finally own my own home and have room to garden, but my new position has lead me to want to learn more about vegetable gardening for culinary purposes, thus why I devoted myself to growing and learning all about culinary herbs last year. But, it's become more than learning for work for me. I'm very interested in learning more about organic vegetable gardening and growing some of my own food to try to be more sustainable, better for the environment, healthier, all while giving me an excuse to be outside and in nature more, literally digging my toes into the dirt! My husband thinks I'm crazy but I developed a liking for working in my garden barefoot this past season. I love the feel of the dirt beneath and between my toes! I known more good things will come from this. I just have to try to see the glass as half full, and not let all the extraneous factors, that are out of my control, take control of my emotions how I feel about things.

Thank you all so much for your responses and helpful words! You guys are an awesome community and I'm glad to have found you!

Rosie
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