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Fear of spirits and magick as a new witch

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Fear of spirits and magick as a new witch

Postby Pachee » Wed Aug 03, 2016 12:59 pm

Hah! This is about to be ridiculous.
So I wouldn't say I haven't used magick before. I've been an existentialist spiritual seeker for most of my life and a strong case could be made for having traveled to other realms before and doing so through ritual as a child (multiverses and fairyland). I've also been practicing lucid dreaming, though what I'm about to explain has hindered my experiences. I've also been on and off studying tarot for three years and have guides (animals, deities, etc) that made themselves known to me before i even knew that was a thing.

Recently i did a tarot reading about my spiritual path and the idea of my calling myself a witch and practicing as such and decided that it could very well be the thing that I've been looking for all this time, and I feel really aligned with it.

However I've found a familiar fear cropping up! Despite my love for magick and my heart feeling of the spirit world and physical world overlapping and being comfortable and thriving in the paradoxes that arise from that, I've found that I'm rather afraid of anything that really seems to crossover in a more physically perceptible or sensory way. That's made lucid dreaming difficult as you can probably tell -you're basically walking around imagination land in real time.

I get spooked out really easy and seem to be afraid of things that mess with physical reality or the "natural world order," or acting in ways they wouldn't normally do. I'm sometimes afraid of going mad and I feel like that may be a part of that.

A lot of this might just be working on grounding and anxiety relieving techniques like having a daily meditation practice - though being afraid of lucid dreaming is one thing that worries me about increasing my clarity of perception (ridiculous!). I have this pervasive fear that I wish I could get rid of but i can see how it could be useful to have a sense of caution and I suppose wariness or respect for the other worlds.

Another aspect of this is the fear of acknowledging the presence of spirits or deities however benevolent, because I feel like it also demands acknowledging the presence of more malevolent or at least chaotic beings. Though I believe my worldview of everything being one and everything being love could act as a buffer, because perspective is a powerful and magickal tool in my opinion, I also have my moods and can be fearful sometimes.

All of this has made me rather hesitant to practice actively (partly out of fear of making a mistake or of the unintended consequences -it can feel less complicated to simply let things be and handle the facts as is), outside of reading, learning, and sometimes collecting items, and working with "safe" things like tarot (I generally see it as a tool for reflection), and some experimenting with low risk rituals like praying and doing affirmations in a storm (rather than using collected storm water in a ritual, which somehow feels high risk??)

However I do think practicing more would be a huge boon to my life, particularly towards being a more confident and whole being, and intentionally and conscientiously choosing this path already has been, for just the last month or so.

Has anyone been through similar things or experiences, or had to overcome things like this? The most validating things I've seen of this has been from hedgewitches and witches with a natural inclination or acceptance of the dark and strange. Though the perspectives I've seen from these folks have mainly been "yeah it's scary! #YOLO"

perhaps it's an issue of being brave, and I can power through on my sensitive ego/pride :p
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Re: Fear of spirits and magick as a new witch

Postby Kassandra » Wed Aug 03, 2016 1:43 pm

.



Just curious, what was the religion practiced in the household in which you grew up during childhood and teen years?

Thanks.



.
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Re: Fear of spirits and magick as a new witch

Postby Pachee » Wed Aug 03, 2016 2:07 pm

Kassandra wrote:.



Just curious, what was the religion practiced in the household in which you grew up during childhood and teen years?

Thanks.



.

Orthodox Christianity. I learned mostly through children's Bible stories and I can't imagine it was a source of fear. More reverence, and I feel like I was mostly left alone with the Bibles. The church services weren't in English so I mostly saw elders worshipping in reverence. I feel like it was more relaxed and literary for me compared to others in oppressive environments.
Of course witchcraft is regarded with fear, anger, taboo probably, in my parents' country. And people are very conservative about spiritual things. (the concept lucid dreaming was met by an unexpected but also obvious fear by my mom - she mumbled something about dreams being messages from God you shouldn't mess with when I pressed her after she asked me to leave it) But they still let me read Harry Potter and the like.
My mom took a more evangelical perspective when we moved to Arizona as a teenager and that's when I started to leave the faith. She was still mostly relaxed but it did push me away from my then solid and quiet faith. I think it changed rather than disappeared.

The only source of fear in regards to faith that i can connect to here were these books of angel encounters I got into as a kid. They were short things and the first book I tore through because i had never seen anything like it, and my mom was pleased so she found me the next one. I think the second one had more of a strange encounters and ghost kind of vibe and at the time ghost stories were the trend at school. So one night I was reading and got scared and asked my mother if angels were scary and she goes 'yaaa!' like "yeah dude!!" But then she added that in the Bible the angels always say "Fear not!"
Of course that just made me more scared so I prayed that night for God to never show himself to me outright or show me any angels because it would freak me out too much. I think I mentioned hints that weren't really perceivable or were subtle were OK. I don't think i really ever took that back, at least not in full....

That's all I can really think of. Angels still scare me actually.
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Re: Fear of spirits and magick as a new witch

Postby SpiritTalker » Wed Aug 03, 2016 3:18 pm

Are you talking intense fear because of a former experience, or the dread of the discomfort of being startled? If the latter, it can be overcome by 1-2 roller coaster rides, or similar gutt wrenching experience. Then you know you can survive it. It's a controlled but ghastly experience. I once forced myself to jump off a high dive to overcome my fear of it. Success feels good, really good.

If you really want to work with spirits, & no one says you have to, set up a spirit altar and light a candle & put out bread and coffee or what suits, and visit for 15-30minutes a couple days a week. Just make friends. Invite only your guide to visit your dreams, if you feel ok with it. Meditate with just that guide. You make the rules. Never invite anyone just passing by to visit. Always close the gates you opened when done. That's common sense.

Guides don't do things they know will give us the willies. That would be counter productive. They can use synchronicity to communicate, as well as card readings, pendulums, and dreams.

To protect yourself from magical blunders, when you do a spell always cast circle and request the Watchers of the 4 directions to over see your work. And when you send spells always add the caveat that they be for the good of all envolved. And open the circle(cancel it's energy) when done.
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Re: Fear of spirits and magick as a new witch

Postby Pachee » Thu Aug 04, 2016 6:43 pm

I suppose it's the fear of being startled. I've had some experiences where I pushed myself to face my fears and it's always turned out well. Though the anticipation was often nerve wracking and difficult. You're right, the liberation after is a wonderful feeling.
I suppose it's not so much that I want to work with spirits, more that i want to have friends and allies when working with "spirit." People on the other side or who populate this other world overseeing and providing support and encouragement. Also wisdom and guidance as I self-actualize and work through my traumas and hang ups, I suppose. I wonder if it's really necessary or a luxury though.

I have one figure that scared the bajeezus out of me from a few sleep paralysis episodes, though at some points I made peace with it. I suppose she'd be qualified as a shadow guide, and that's where most of my fear comes from. I faced my fear one night while closing work and realized that it was a personification of my shadow and did some tarot readings and there overwhelming message was one of balance and restoring it, and that's what she was here to teach me. At some moments I received comfort from her but mostly lately it's been one of paranoia and anticipation and fear, and it's more something that I either attract by that feeling or that I'm surprised by. It's hard to figure out and deal with. I don't think the figure is bad itself. That's where the uncomfortable grey area is for me.

At one point I did set a hard boundary where I explicitly stated that I didn't want to be scared into doing anything and that it was wrong and unconsensual. She didn't bother me for a while but I was worried to do it because I was afraid it might hurt me more than help and I wonder if it had. Especially if she was a personification of my shadow.

I suppose it sort of ties in to my fear of the plant datura. My friend who had been trained from a rather young age in Peruvian shamanic tradition... They worked with datura and i suppose went the poison path about it and while they were moving one season had a bunch of things in my room. I think there was datura juice and as the plant is their ally their medicine tools probably carried some of that energy and that's when my first encounter with that shadow appeared. I respect datura but am afraid of her, even as I feel like she calls to me to work with her (not by ingesting, just by sitting with her - she's all over the property and her smell is intoxicating). Her energy through my friend and meditating on her with other women has helped me before, but like that shadow, the tricky energy I've experienced puts me off and worries me.

So there are these energies and experiences I've had with less clear cut spirits and energies that confuse me. Kinda like fairies, unpredictable but not necessarily bad???
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Re: Fear of spirits and magick as a new witch

Postby corvidus » Thu Aug 04, 2016 8:35 pm

Pachee wrote:I suppose it's not so much that I want to work with spirits, more that i want to have friends and allies when working with "spirit." People on the other side or who populate this other world overseeing and providing support and encouragement. Also wisdom and guidance as I self-actualize and work through my traumas and hang ups, I suppose. I wonder if it's really necessary or a luxury though.


I can almost guarantee you already have people on the other side watching out for you. You're Representatives and Guides, your Guardian Angel, and your Ancestors.

On the most subtle level, the communicate to us through our intuition.

Pachee, it's also important for you to realize that we live in a culture of fear and oppression. This is how governments control the people and get them to give up their freedom. Your innate fear and worry is most likely caused by subliminal programming.

A technique for conquring fear is to disconnect from the media-culture. Stop watching movies, the news, reading papers, television in general.. it's all terrible for the soul and weakens the consciousness.

Focus on your local community through your own eyes. If everyone did this, the world would be a better place.
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Re: Fear of spirits and magick as a new witch

Postby SpiritTalker » Mon Aug 15, 2016 10:08 pm

Datura gives me the willies...and that's just from driving past a patch of it growing in someone's yard, (danged fools). Beautiful plant, though. My mom's garden had giant iris plants that gave me the creeps when I was a child, so much that I would not willingly play on the same side of the house. Many years later I learned that iris is associated with seeing/hearing spirits. And later at 17, I was a reluctant developing medium and the whole thing scared me. So the iris plant was linked to my "fate" in the old fashioned sense of the word, and it was the sensing of this unfamiliar but irresistible path that was my fear. I'm mentioning this because I can't help thinking your experience is similar.
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Re: Fear of spirits and magick as a new witch

Postby Pachee » Tue Aug 16, 2016 1:52 am

SpiritTalker wrote:Datura gives me the willies...and that's just from driving past a patch of it growing in someone's yard, (danged fools). Beautiful plant, though. My mom's garden had giant iris plants that gave me the creeps when I was a child, so much that I would not willingly play on the same side of the house. Many years later I learned that iris is associated with seeing/hearing spirits. And later at 17, I was a reluctant developing medium and the whole thing scared me. So the iris plant was linked to my "fate" in the old fashioned sense of the word, and it was the sensing of this unfamiliar but irresistible path that was my fear. I'm mentioning this because I can't help thinking your experience is similar.

How have you gotten over the fear of being a medium? If it's at 17 that it was reluctant then I feel like you might have some more wisdom on that than I. I'm 24 and it's been 2 years of avoidance. Though I don't know if it's being a medium that I'm avoiding specifically, its at least related.

I do think you're experience related, I felt a similar feeling to what you described.
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Re: Fear of spirits and magick as a new witch

Postby SpiritTalker » Tue Aug 16, 2016 9:09 am

I'm not saying you're a medium, only referring to the sense of unknown calling. ... And what makes you think I got over the fear? Haha. Every time I do spirit trance speaking I whip down the gutt clenching roller coaster. My task is to maintain the contact and get out of the way so spirit can speak. Over time and many dream-state interactions with my guides I have come to enjoy their company, value the guidance and cherish their humor.

I hate roller coasters. My best friend loves them and begged me to go with her on the fastest roller coaster in the world, which at the time was Space Mountain at Disneyland. True friendship...I went, and at the end of the ride, they pried me out of the cart, propped me on a bench and put my head down between my knees. After that, trance speaking is nothing to fear. :surprisedwitch:

It's like when I was 6 and terrified of riding a two wheeler bike. Mine had training wheels& I decided I wasn't going to be defeated by it. I borrowed my big sister's bike to be free of the training wheel safeguard, then being too short to reach the seat, stood on the peddles and and wobbled down the front sidewalk toward the cement stairs that led down to the street. I vowed I'd balance before I reached the stairs or die in the attempt. Now that is some serious magical intention. After that I was no longer afraid of my own bike and had the training wheels removed. I loved my bike and went everywhere and anywhere. The worst punishment I could receive was losing bike privileges. Once i'd learned I could balance, my bike was my life!
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Re: Fear of spirits and magick as a new witch

Postby nightshroud » Fri Apr 21, 2017 6:54 pm

Well from personal experience. I was scared at first but over time I gained respect for the spirits.
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