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Family issues

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Family issues

Postby blue_moon » Sun Jul 01, 2018 1:50 am

Hey my dear Friends.
I really missed beeing here.. didn't even allow myself to read.. i was and still am having some big family issues with my origin (? Google suggest it but i am not sure if this is right) family.

Most people i know had problems with their parents as kids and teens and during adolescense. But as we grow older it shows that most of them really just had some "communicating troubles" and that they all-in-all had a great family that gave them tons of support to grow!

I was left with so much fear and so little self esteem i constantly hold myself back and today, almost 20 years after graduating i still don't have a Job, i only earn little money and can't even afford to take my kids swimming or buy me some new shows (i baught a pair for 13 euro und feel guilty - I always feel guilty!)

I know where these feelings originate from and this is pretty scary for me. I am always in guard and just cant relax. I am always in fear.

Sometimes i manage to meditate and it helps me feel good but allowing myself to do this takes quite some courage.

And strength..

And still i feel guilt and shame.. all this shame.
It is not my fault what happend when i was a kid and i am not my mothers little girl anymore. She doesn't have the full power to control me.. But she still has the Key and uses is. I wish i was the Queen of my subconcious and conscious mind. (And again there is shame.. )
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Re: Family issues

Postby firebirdflys » Sun Jul 01, 2018 3:21 am

Oh honey, I wish to give you big hugs. :kiss:
I have a feeling what you are experiencing is ptsd. It's a debilitating disorder. I know you must be struggling very hard and I commend you on that. Keep it up. It's a journey that needs vigilance to get to level ground. It's hard also, and it sucks very much.
Talking about it is brave, you are not alone.
The shame part is very common. You dererve new shoes! I glad you got them. Be good to you :fairy: you're important, your kids will agree!
Maybe try some affirmations like:
I fully deserve to be happy!, the Key that mother holds has lost its control over me! I honor myself, shame is in the past!
Try different variations repeat daily several times, whenever possible look at mirror and do this. Note that I refrained from using a contraction of the word no. Very important when doing affirmative work.
You will be in my prayers,
Blessings, Firebird
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Re: Family issues

Postby blue_moon » Sun Jul 01, 2018 2:31 pm

Thanks so much. This is so hard for me..
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Re: Family issues

Postby blue_moon » Wed Jul 04, 2018 2:58 pm

D-day today... the energy is still around even through she left the house 9 hrs ago and i aired it out. I will do some smudging tomorrow. 2 moons ago i collected sage, some flowers ...

I feel so blocked right now.. ist 10pm here now. Maybe i should burn the sage before going to bed.

I'd like to use the moon to let the energies fade but i feel pretty paralised, My head is empty.. I am thankful for more input
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Re: Family issues

Postby barker » Wed Jul 04, 2018 5:06 pm

I was immobilised emotionally from my childhood. Yoga fixed it. Fire breath in particular.
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Re: Family issues

Postby blue_moon » Thu Jul 05, 2018 1:01 am

Thank you. Honestly haven't heard of firebreath.. I will check right away.

Only find the peace and strength dir Yoga every now and then. But my home is saver now
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Re: Family issues

Postby firebirdflys » Thu Jul 05, 2018 1:29 am

The smudging sounds like a good idea.
I suppose it will take some time for her energy to wear off.
I think Barkers firebreath is a plan worth looking into.
Also, can you get to the woods? Maybe an outing with the kids.
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Re: Family issues

Postby SnowCat » Thu Jul 05, 2018 12:04 pm

Bring in things from nature that make you and the kids happy. It takes time yo ever come that amount of negative energy.
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Re: Family issues

Postby barker » Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:34 am

Writing works as well, the analytical sort. You might begin to realise, as often happens with deep trauma, you are extremely gifted. Just try to keep it (the writing) on point. You could see exactly where the key fits. It might be your agenda is doubted, or your spirituality is dismissed. Then to analyse, the relationships and self understandings...
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Re: Family issues

Postby blue_moon » Sat Jul 07, 2018 1:34 pm

Thank you all <3
I actually am the analytic type :annoyed: i See so many more connections now but honestly i just wish things could be simple.. of course it helps because i see my strengths it reminds me of what i missed and couldnt do.. .makes it hurt more

It s summer break here and my husband is off for the next two weeks as well. I hope to spend some quality time in my garden. Neglected it a bit...
And i plan on taking the kids some nice places around our home. And take my Dad as well. De have to do some bonding, i really missed him.

I have to set up some Outdoor altars as well.. And clean my sacred shelves.

Firebird what are you thinking about?

Snowcat.. I think we have been doing that.. but honestly its all so messy.. we had a place for these special things before all this.. :oops:
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Re: Family issues

Postby firebirdflys » Sat Jul 07, 2018 4:10 pm

I remember the great photo of you and the kids in a forest somewhere. I would go there, have you and the kids set up some fairy altars :fairy:
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