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I am desperate.

Firebird started out on her path in 1987 after finding her biological family where she learned of her Native American roots. She continued on a solitary journey, absorbing as much as she could about spirituality, when she joined a coven in 1994 where the focus was in Celtic shamanism, fertility, and healing. Ordained in 1999 in this Celtic tradition as well as in the ULC, she would be happy to answer questions on solitary practice as well as group dynamic. She specializes in herb lore, wildcrafting, as well as stones, ritual design, shapeshifting, dreamwork, spells, incense blends, and more. Feel free to stop in the Den of the Firebird and see if she can help.

I am desperate.

Postby beyonduplication » Mon Nov 06, 2017 11:40 pm

I must begin by being honest, and say that I know very little about this site or its contents. Please forgive me if I am posting this in the wrong place, or if it is out of line in some way. My intentions are good. I just want advice and help.

Let me tell you what brings me here. I was upset a few years ago; I was sad after a breakup and couldn't seem to let it go. I ran across this site... I didn't know if I believed in any of this. I'd only seen it in movies, etc. But I did this: http://www.everythingunderthemoon.net/s ... ishing.htm absolutely exactly as it says. And my heartache was cured. He faded away and I was released. It felt like a miracle. (I don't believe in miracles but I'm not sure what other word to use for it). Afterwards I was happily single for the longest time I have ever been, since puberty.

Let me try to sum up what has happened since then. I've fallen for a genuine con artist. I let him into my home, to live with me and my children. We accepted him as family. My children trusted him, and that has NEVER happened, not even with their own father. (their father relinquished his parental rights when they were just babies). This man has lived with us for over a year. He promised my children that he was nothing like their father and that he would never leave us. Just a week before he left he was talking about taking family photos in front of the Christmas tree this year. When he said these things to my children and I, he already knew that he would not be here by then. He and I spoke and dreamt about our future constantly. We had plans for when the kids were grown and gone, and I retired. All the while he was telling another "woman" he couldn't wait to be with her.

I found out on the 20th of October that he has been romantically involved with her for several months. Not only that, but he spent that weekend with her. Having sex with her, etc. He told me he "just needed time alone to think" and insisted all weekend long that this was the case. I found the truth accidentally. I saw the messages between them. Naked pictures. Declarations of love. And worst of all. He had sex with me every single day the week before, and would tell her he couldn't wait to be with her immediately after. He even had sex with me the day that he left to go and see her, and so he had sex with both of us on the same day. All the while still telling me he loved me, still promising futures to my children, still using me. All his communication with this "woman" was done on the phone and devices that I was paying for, and he went to see her in the car that I was also paying for.

He conned me out of everything he could. He manipulated me into buying him things. He would pout, he would act miserable. He would go so far as to refuse to speak to me or my children, giving us all the silent treatment, and even sleep on the hardwood floor of the guest room without a blanket, instead of in my bed, because I would not put an iPad on my credit card for him. Guilt was his weapon against me. Thousands and thousands of dollars of debt later, and he's left me for her. To say that my children are devastated is an understatement. We have all cried and cried together. I haven't seen my son cry since he was a small child, until this.

And he's still messing with me. I am weak, and message him occasionally. I begged him to just block me, to just not respond to me, so that I could heal. He won't. It's mind games. I even stooped so low as to as him to come home and he all but promised he would... so much so that I actually told my daughter. And then of course both our hearts were broken. We watched our phones every second of that night, waiting for the call that he wanted to come home. He never even had the guts to say he wasn't. He just stopped responding. How I wish I hadn't told her. How I wish I had spared her that heartache. I would never have mentioned it to her if I hadn't really believed he was coming home.

There's so much more to the story. Too much to type or interest anyone I'm sure. The point is that I am devastated, heartbroken, defeated. I have never felt this way in my life. I've never given myself so fully to anyone. I've been borderline suicidal. I've not eaten or slept. I've been to the doctor three times this month and lost 17 pounds. Everything I put in my mouth makes me gag, I cannot eat, and I vomit or dry heave constantly. I've lost my will to survive. I can't even be strong for my kids. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. I think of him day and night. I can't refrain from trying to contact him and every time I do I just hate myself even more. I'm ashamed, I am weak. The thought of other men makes me want to vomit. I've tried meditation, creative outlets, exercise, forcing positive thoughts. I swear I have really tried. It is physically painful to get up every morning and dress. Every morning that I wake up I wish I hadn't.

So, I'm sorry if this post is random and inappropriate. I am sorry it is long. It is only the tip of the iceberg. I just remembered that one time I did the banishing spell from here, and how it helped me. So I am begging. Someone please give me a suggestion. Tell me if something here would help me. If nothing else, tell me I'm in the wrong place and maybe point me in the right direction. Please help.
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Re: I am desperate.

Postby YanaKhan » Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:59 am

Hello, beyonduplication.

First, let me tell you I really am sorry about what you have to go through. Love and pain often go hand by hand and even though I can't really say I've been in your shoes, I don't really think I have, since you talk as if this person was the only thing that made you happy. And perhaps this was exactly your mistake. Trust me, I'm not trying to judge you or anything, I know love can be blind and only when hurt, you see what a person is really like.

You don't deserve this. You don't deserve to be conned and treated like you don't matter. And yet you have been. Sometimes bad things just happen and no matter how heartbroken we are, we just need to move on and live life. Once a very wise person here said that the best revenge in such a case is to be happy. I know this sounds impossible at the moment and it probably will take a lot of time, but for your children, you need to try and live your life to the fullest. And I really don't mean other men, it's not a good idea to jump into somebody else's hands and in the end hurt him as well as yourself.

I don't really know what to suggest in regard of spellwork, for magick is not a solution to everything. It may help, as you have experienced before, but you need to live through this and get closure. What I like to do is make lists - of reasons why I love this person and why I hate them. Usually the "hate" list is a lot longer than the "love" one. It sounds stupid, but for me it really helps clarify things.

Most of all, you need to convince yourself you DON"T need this person back in your life. You don't need to be heartbroken again. You don't deserve it and most certainly your children don't.

Something you could try is this spell to get rid of negative emotions. It has helped me before and maybe it will help ease your pain too.

I wish I could be of more help.
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No battle is over until I win!
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Re: I am desperate.

Postby RyukaAscendant » Tue Nov 07, 2017 9:11 am

Additionally I get the feeling there are things you don't want to talk about here, which is perfectly fine. But it sounds like this person is emotionally abusive. Talk to family or friends, whatever support structure you have and get their help. Even a therapist would be good if you are open to talking to one. But reach out to the people around you in your community.
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Re: I am desperate.

Postby corvidus » Tue Nov 07, 2017 9:50 am

HI there beyonduplication!

He sounds like quite the childish sociopath.

When we interact with someone for that length of time, costantly giving in to their will, an energetic cord forms between the two people. But unlike normal cords of love and balance and open communication, they're one-way chains. He's basically using you as a source of energy. Even if you haven't seen him, the fact that you sit by your phone waiting for a call makes it clear that he's still drawing energy from you. My intuition tells me he is linked to your lower dantian, and probably the first four chakra fields.

There are a few things you could do, depending on the route you'd like to take:

Cleansing and Banishing

Revenge Path will help you get your strength back, and perhaps even recover some of your financial loses. It will show the universe that you're no longer willing to be taken advantage of.

Cleansing and Balancing Path will remove the negative energy cords and help protect you. But out of this you're back where you started after your first banishing.

Peace Path is the classic "do nothing externally" approach. It involves freeing your mind from your problems and finding internal peace. Who knows what else it will bring.

In situations like this, I'd recommend Revenge :twisted:
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Re: I am desperate.

Postby PhoenixRising » Tue Nov 07, 2017 11:00 am

beyonduplication, I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this pain and trouble. There's enough in your post to tell me all I need to know...but first off, let me tell you this. It sounds like the problem is with him and not you. It's pretty clear that you're aware of this, but for some, the confirmation is comforting.

From a psychological standpoint, what you've described about him tells me that he may have NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a disorder where an individual has a distorted self-image, unstable and intense emotions, is overly preoccupied with vanity, prestige, power, and personal adequacy, lacks empathy, and has an exaggerated sense of superiority.

Another thing about narcissists...they are truly not the person you fell in love with. And they can switch from the guy you fell in love with to a cold, empty soul in the bat of an eyelash, and back again, based on the situation.

If this is the case, and he's not the father of your children, the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is what's called "No Contact." Remaining in contact actually feeds his need for the attention and admiration he desires. It enables him. I am actually a member of an NPD victim support group on Facebook, and the members there (including myself) have all dealt with many of these same things you describe. If you'd like to check the group out, send me a PM and I can hook you up with them. Sometimes just talking with a group of people with similar experiences helps a lot, and I've see a lot of healing and success stories come from the group.

BUT...I'm feeling that you're here for the spiritual part of it. So here goes:

No Contact! It seems that dealing with this guy is zapping your energy and inner strength. Staying in contact and answering will just zap more of that energy. You need to focus maintaining your strength and energy for you and your kids. Meditation, spells and rituals dealing with peace (particularly inner peace and letting go), and cleaning yourselves and your home of any negative energy.

I'm a firm believer in the Threefold Law, so I would use extreme caution with any revenge spells. Sure, you would feel great about him getting his due justice, but that energy could return on you and leave you hurting more in the end. Your path may be different. I would still use extreme caution. You also have to consider that any revenge may actually feed what is already negative energy. Risk/benefit analysis is always needed when it comes to revenge.

For your spiritual support, I'm sure many of us here will be happy to help in any way we can. I'll be here, and I will send positive energy, love and light your way.

Blessed be!
Mura mbeadh dochar ann, déanaigí mar is toil libh.
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Re: I am desperate.

Postby T'a Nuk » Tue Nov 07, 2017 11:31 am

My heart goes out to you. Screwing with one person is bad enough, screwing with a family is something else. As good as it would feel immediately, revenge has consequences, and you sound better than that. Protection and healing is what you need. This man is obviously sick, and you can't fix that. Despite your more tender emotions, run away. Quickly. Take comfort in the fact that all odds are that he will be played hard by somebody just like him. Your emotions regarding him are no different than any other addiction, and can be harder to surmount. You have the advantage of a loving family and now, a new circle of friends. Magic will help along the way, but it is not the cure, that dwells within you. Key actions are to be honest with yourself and seek to discipline your mind. You know what your weaknesses are regarding this person, (I will not call him a man), and therefore you know how to fight them. Live each minute individually and take small victories. Heal your body, eat, breathe and exercise. This is a battle you will win. The reason it hurts so much is because it is a hugely important lesson, and you have learned it, now you must practice the new knowledge. Seek any spell or practice that will diminish his power over you, you will find that this revolves primarily around reclaiming your self worth.
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Re: I am desperate.

Postby beyonduplication » Thu Nov 16, 2017 8:07 pm

Thank you everyone for your replies. I have been back several times to read them but just didn't know what to say. I know you are all correct. I can't have him in my life anymore. But like my title says, I feel desperate. I feel hopeless. I feel lost. I feel stupid, pathetic, embarrassed. For awhile I will feel better, for a day or so. But then it hits me again. These swings are entirely unpredictable. It just hits me. My friends are tired of hearing about it. I miss him so much it is ridiculous. I even offered to let him come back here just so I could be near him and help him again like before, but this time just as a roommate and no commitment. So basically he wins.
He still wouldn't.
He would rather be with her and have no job, no car, no phone, etc. Than be here with us and have it all. I can't stop asking why. Why does he hate me so much? What did I do? The answer is, nothing. I was so good to him. I was so good to him that I guess it made him lose respect for me, because I just let him walk all over me.
I don't know.
Thank you everyone for listening and making suggestions. I'm going to try some of them.
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Re: I am desperate.

Postby planewalker » Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:41 am

Please contact me. I'm the forums unofficial psychologist. I'm a safe vent zone. I've gotten people to the right treatments. Stopped dangerous spell attempts. Please let me see if I can help you. I do not think it to extreme to say you are also damaging your children far more then you can understand in the emotional state your in. For your kids and for yourself - LET ME HELP !

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