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I am so confused. Help?

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I am so confused. Help?

Postby Sakura Blossom » Wed May 14, 2014 12:27 am

Okay, so, I guess I am sharing this embarrassing question after all. Long story short, recently I've been... Very turned on at thoughts of working with magick, and also doing more work with Loki... I know he's very playful, and I didn't know if this would be connected to that. It's just VERY strange that I've been feeling this way about, well, pretty much everything. I don't ever get like this, and I do apologize for the content of this post.

Anyways... I did a tarot reading for myself about a few things, and then asked about why this is happening. I use my book to help me, and I look for the keywords that my eyes go to first. The important ones register.

Well, I always ask Loki to work with me and help be my guidance in readings. I got one about financial security, which fits in with something else in my life.

However, pertaining to this question about feeling 'turned on', I got the two of chalices...

In my book, the ones that stood out to me most were this: Upright: A happy union.

Attraction, sharing, warmth.

Then the one that REALLY gets me and confuses me, is this:

"I love you"

So then I did a reading to ask what was going on, if he was saying that he loved me, which I don't understand anything about that sort of thing relating to the divine. I don't even know if a God COULD love you.... And I got this card:

10 of chalices.

And again, it says: Undying love, harmonious relationships.

EDIT: In trying to figure out what was going on, I asked the question "What kind of love are you trying to express?"

And I got the 2 of chalices AGAIN.

My book LITERALLY says this in the keywords for these cards. I don't have anyone in my life right now who I have romantic interest in, I don't even know guys. Is he just being his usual mischievous self tonight? I'm really at a loss.

ALSO: I felt I should make this clear, even though I'm sure you might be able to guess it, but I'm not like... Romantically interested in any kind of God/Goddess or the idea of that sort of thing. I know some people do that, but I wanted to make it clear that wasn't what I was looking for. I just had this situation pop up, and while asking questions to try and figure it out, this is what happened. So hopefully this doesn't come across in that way, or as strange.

I don't even know what to make of this. Really. Help would be GREATLY appreciated.
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby ness » Wed May 14, 2014 6:03 pm

Hey Sakura,

I don't know much about readings, but I just wanted to stop by and say that the turned on feeling about magick... thats very familiar to me. Not really magick, but whenever I think about my past life, I do get a very similar feeling. Its a very intense emotion to just ignore and brush it off like its nothing. So, I understand what you mean.
I am glad you are able to do some reading and get some answers. I would say, go with your instincts on this one. If you feel love for a god or goddess, I think thats ok. I don't necessarily think it should or would mix with our life on this earth. I think that kind of love would be equipped to co-exist amongst all the other love we feel.
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Sakura Blossom » Wed May 14, 2014 6:27 pm

Thank you so much for your post, ness! I don't feel love towards them, at least, I don't think I do. It was Him saying it to me, and I'm very confused about this. I don't know much about working with Gods or Goddesses, as I wasn't intending to work with one, but he chose to work with me so I started. It's been a learning process to say the least. Haha.

I'm glad it's not just me who feels this, though! I was feeling very strange and awkward. (:
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Xiao Rong » Wed May 14, 2014 6:33 pm

Hey Sakura, just did a one-card reading for you (usual disclaimer that this is only one possible outcome and just my interpretation, etc.). I asked about what you should know about the situation with Loki, and the card I pulled was the Knight of Wands.The Knight of Wands is charming, self-confident, daring, adventurous, and passionate ... which all sound like things that describe Loki. On the other hand, he can also be cocky, foolhardy, restless, and hot-tempered ... again, all things that I would have associated with Loki. So your reading seems to suggest that you are embarking into what may be a close relationship, and my guess is that the Knight of Wands is trying to give you some clarity about his character -- he is exciting and fun, but might throw your life into chaos (which I am sure other Lokeans will tell you as well). So my interpretation is that this is a sign to proceed with caution. Although your reading suggests that you can have a very loving, productive relationship with Loki, you should ease into it, rather than jumping into it headfirst. Introducing Loki's element of mischief and fun into your life will take a bit of time, and it's okay to slow down if you feel like you're going too fast. Hope that helps!
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby ness » Wed May 14, 2014 6:35 pm

Don't feel strange :)
If he is communicating to you that he loves you, I would just thank him politely for his love.
Even if he is just playing tricks, I think its a nice, feel-good trick.
I agree with Xiao Rong on caution or even establishing the kind of relationship you are looking for.
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Holdasown » Wed May 14, 2014 7:25 pm

When I mediate my root chakra will spin like crazy. It's a "turned on" kinda feeling but not really. It's weird. If your reaching a point your root is open or opening that might do it. It's the usually the first to pop. Loki tends to work with those he likes. If may be the combo seems sexual but it's just earth energy. Loki is associated with fire too. Sometimes that might get translated to more than it is.
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Seraphin_npocampo » Wed May 14, 2014 7:48 pm

Possibly He's suggesting that if you're open to His love, you have to come to love what He loves, be attracted on things or people He's attracted to, share knowledge like He's imparting to you and bring warmth like He's doing to you.

I love all my Deities and my guides and my love drives me to wish to bring myself closer to Them; to have an undying love and harmonious relationship with Them.

I love Their words and guidance and this internalized the recognition that the purpose of their words to me is to lovingly bring together my Deity and my Higher Spirit. And I who truly love the things, people and events (feasts/celebrations) that my Deities also love inevitably push me to come closer to Them; and I'm often driven to bring some people who also work with my Deities close to Their words, guidance and light, which is the expression and actualization of my bond with Them.
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Sakura Blossom » Wed May 14, 2014 7:54 pm

Thank you, Holda. That sounds interesting, I'll have to look into that more. Maybe that's what it is! It's just very strange!

And Seraphin, I don't think that's what he's getting across. Haha. I don't love Him, and I only just started working with him. So I'm really not sure what's going on. x.x But I appreciate the help and input. I'm hoping I'll get some kind of answer. Haha. I enjoy working with him so far, but it's so early on in the process i'm not sure that's what it means. But how knows? I'll have to find out!
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Seraphin_npocampo » Wed May 14, 2014 8:34 pm

And this just proves my point. To me, I think He was suggesting you to love Him back or maybe at least, learn how to love Him.

The God Loki came from Northern Tradition and folks who follow this tradition use old Norse word "fulltrui" (for a God) or "fulltrua" (for a Goddess) to describe their patron Deity. The word means "fully trusted or loved one". I understand that you don't perhaps follow Northern Tradition but Loki belonged to this particular pathway or culture. You can work with Him outside of the tradition but there are times, Deities seek to be worshiped in Their own standard and custom.

I believe many of the Deities belong to such tradition might claim someone for a close relationship and sometimes even beyond. In ancient times, most people who had fulltrui were just priests or priestess, but these are different times and we both agree that Deities are reaching out in different ways.

It wasn't Deities intention to require the people They chose to work with out of obligation or fear or whatever reason, but rather out of love for Them and Their works. I believe Deities desire that all the people They chose place Their presence and guidance within their hearts and listen to Them as a friend listen to his friend or child listen to his parent, or wife listen to her husband, out of love and respect.

If one works with a Deity or Patron without love, trust and confidence, it becomes only a duty or an obligation, like rules given by Them that one must live by and are therefore a burden. Most of the Deities I know, don't want that to happen.

In occasional cases they come as a "Beloved", wanting a relationship of semi-romantic love. Most of the time, They simply want faith and devotion to express their Divine love and receive love from their worshipers. Sometimes they come as a parent -– "Father or Mother". There are moments that They act like a trusted "Mentor or Master" to give counsel to their students. Love, trust and Divine related work are inseparable to Norse folks (and also to me and perhaps to others). If one does work with a Deity, he/she should show his/her trust and love to his God/Goddess. If one trusts and loves the Deity he/she will do his/her best to work with Him/Her.

Just sharing some thoughts for you to ponder and consider.
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Sakura Blossom » Wed May 14, 2014 8:55 pm

Yes, but love grows and takes time to develop. So does trust. It's not something that's there immediately, even with children and their parents. They feel trust because they know it's their mother/father, but they grow into love. So I feel alright not loving him yet. (: I'm working on growing with him, and it will take time to start establishing certain aspects of working with him. I understand all of what you're saying, but I hope you see what I'm saying as well. Haha. (: I only just started working with him a few weeks ago now, I believe. It's going to take time to build a relationship with Him.

However, I'm curious to know about what you're talking about, with the fulltrui if you can explain that a bit more? I mean, I know nothing about loving with deities or anything like that. I mean, from my reading, I honestly got the impression of romantic love which I didn't think would happen with a God and I honestly thought it was my imagination the first time, but for me to get the same card a second time, after all had been shuffled and cleansed, it was very odd.
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Sakura Blossom » Wed May 14, 2014 10:26 pm

Omg! Xiao, I totally missed your post! I'm so sorry!

Yes, all of those things I have found! He is like that, and I've been trying to ease into it slowly as I'm not used to it yet. It's been very interesting to say the least, and I agree with that reading. It makes sense to me! I just don't understand this whole love thing. x.x Like what kind of love? I've never really heard anything about loving between a god and the one working with them. Just in stories.

And thank you, ness! I missed your other post too, I"m so sorry! I agree, I should thank him, but I'm still so confused! lol
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Xiao Rong » Thu May 15, 2014 8:00 am

LOL! No worries, Sakura, it happens ; ) Anyways, I think that there are all kinds of love, and every love is different ... Who knows? You said you don't feel romantic love (which is totally cool), but it might be a brother/sister, mentor/mentee, father/daughter, crazy prankster uncle/level-headed niece as Seraphin suggested ... I'm sure you can come up with any number of different types of relationships! I think you should stay open to whatever kind of relationship happens to develop, and to reevaluate your emotions frequently. Remember that all relationships are a give and a take, and ideally an equal amount of give and take (the principle of the rune :giftrune: Gifu). Make sure that both you and he are always in a mutually beneficial relationship.
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Sakura Blossom » Thu May 15, 2014 11:45 am

Thank you! And honestly, I asked him last night... He's making it rather clear it's romantic love, so I thanked Him and I'm trying to show Him that it's going to take a bit of time before I understand or know what's going on. He's very much a "do it on MY time" kind of God, but I know he works with you and because He cares, he will respect it eventually. He gave me a card after I asked something and it was basically saying he had wounded pride. It's hilarious the things he does, and I enjoy working with him so far. (: I know the relationship will grow nicely and I'm curious to see what it will become! I already feel a strong connection with him, and can't wait to make it stronger.
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Seraphin_npocampo » Thu May 15, 2014 1:10 pm

Sakura Blossom wrote:Yes, but love grows and takes time to develop. So does trust. It's not something that's there immediately, even with children and their parents. They feel trust because they know it's their mother/father, but they grow into love. So I feel alright not loving him yet. (: I'm working on growing with him, and it will take time to start establishing certain aspects of working with him. I understand all of what you're saying, but I hope you see what I'm saying as well. Haha. (: I only just started working with him a few weeks ago now, I believe. It's going to take time to build a relationship with Him.


Yeah, I think we have different outlook concerning loving your Deity and working with Him or Her. But I do understand where are you coming from. I really do. I'm just merely sharing my thoughts.

I always believe that one of main purpose of my spirituality and magick is to love my Gods/Goddesses and work with Them. To some people they maybe see two completely different statements. The first is "Love my Gods/Goddesses" and the second is "work with Them." For me, these aren't two different ideas, but rather the same thing.

In this culture, people usually view "love" as an emotion. Yes it is. But not the love for your Divine, I believe. Love isn't an emotion when it comes to the Deities for me, but rather an action. In my book, the action word "work with God" is always being equated to the word "love". But this is just me.

Also for me, working with Them is not only the means by which I demonstrate my love to Them, but it's also the means by which I demonstrate my love to what my Deities also love.

Sakura Blossom wrote:However, I'm curious to know about what you're talking about, with the fulltrui if you can explain that a bit more? I mean, I know nothing about loving with deities or anything like that. I mean, from my reading, I honestly got the impression of romantic love which I didn't think would happen with a God and I honestly thought it was my imagination the first time, but for me to get the same card a second time, after all had been shuffled and cleansed, it was very odd.


If you think this is coming from your intuition then just trust it. It's possible that it could be a romantic love and we can see historic evidence for this.

Just so you know that the following is, as always, my own opinions and views on the subject. So much of my viewpoint is shaped by my what I witnessed and studied and my experience and understanding of the subject, and therefore my belief may not be shared by everyone.

Not everyone approves of the idea of such devotion to a Deity and it's not necessary or required to have such relationship or bonding in order to work with a Deity belong to Norse pantheon. However, if your Deity wants to have then you have to consider it.

So, how can one have that "kind of relationship" with a Deity? First, one must understand and believe that his/her Deity is his/her beloved, or parent, or friend, or master who is willing to do everything just like what he/she does with his/her own beloved wife/husband, mother/father, friend or teacher. One must also realize that as a human being, he/she has a limited "human mindset"; whereas his/her Deity has a "satellite perspective" that allows Them to see across the entire world into the past and the future. We can't truly understand Deities with our human minds and, therefore, it's imperative for us to accept Him by believing their existence and working with Them.

Next, one must have a real desire to know his/her Deity and to be willing to do everything in his/her power earnestly understand his/her God/Goddess. One needs to dedicate with himself or herself to reach that kind of fellowship with a Divine Being or Spirit such as the priestess of Frey and the priest who served the shrine of Nerthus which Tacitus.

And how to do it?
  • Lay aside one's human rationale and mindset. In other words, one must try not to "intellectualize" Deities. In order to have a real fulltrui, you must have come to the final conclusion that He/She IS your _____________ ( Beloved,Parent, Master, etc.), and then approach Them as a _____________ (Partner, Child, Student) who is ready to trust and love Him/Her completely for that Deity who chose you is someone who not only knows you intimately, but He/She also has your best interests at heart.
  • Realize one is limited human being who was born into this world with limited understanding. Because of this, one might feel separation from His/Her God. The good news is, when a particular Deity want a fulltrui relationship as He/She selects you as his priest/priestess it means the Deity loves these chosen people enough to help or aid them in anyway.
  • One must ask their Divine force to come full-force and help you understand Them.
  • Meditate and pray. Ask the Deities to put the their Divine force into one's heart and soul and not just in mind and mouth, and unveil his/her eyes so that He/She can understand what He/She wants you to see.

This is not a monotheistic concept as other Modern pagans ares saying. Someone who consider let's say Loki as his/her fulltrui can still honor Odin, pray to Frigga, offer to Thor, communicate with Njordh and work with Idunna through the rest of his/her life. Being close to one particular Deity doesn't mean that other Deities are false or aren't acknowledged or honored, or that the person maybe actually a monotheist.

When I'm confused with my Chaos Deities and I'm desperately looking for an answer, :mrgreen: , I used to draw the rune Xiao Rong posted above, the Gifu (which looks like an X) over my heart. I point my wand into my chest then I visualize that my aura emanating in my body lights the end of my wand, and reach out to join the little yellow flame of the candle. As it is lit I say:

May thine delusions become disillusionments.
May thy sense the value of non-sense.
May thy Truths become my truths.
May Eris, Kali, or Oya bless me with enlightenment and laughter.


The color of the flame might change, and any markings on it might be visible to me. I take note of any colors or other symbols that shows on it. I consider them to be Divine omens, an answer from my Deity believe. The simplest way to describe the reception of message from Them is "awe". Over the next several days, weeks, or months, I was given more and more omens, as I have asked.
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Re: I am so confused. Help?

Postby Sakura Blossom » Thu May 15, 2014 1:16 pm

Yes we do but that's okay. (: because if everyone had the same beliefs and faith then there wouldn't be differing religions or branches. ;D haha. Diversity is wonderful.

And hank you for your insight. I'm on my phone at the moment so I could only read part of it but I'll try and finish when I get home. I'm off to our spiritual store. (:
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