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Advice from Heather on Life, Love, Money, Spells, and everything else.

Men in Tights - Heather's Rant about Men and Their Private Parts

Dear Heather,

Do you have a spell that you can give me so that my parents won't make me go to my little sister's ballet recital of the Nutcracker? Every year that I go, I am disgusted by the male dancer's tights. Not just any tights, but WHITE tights, so that every single dimple and curve is accentuated. I don't want to stare but how can I help it when he has this totally obvious bulge? It's gross and I'm tired of pretending as though I don't notice it. As a sexual abuse survivor, I find it very disturbing to watch little girls dancing around him at waist height. What can I do? I'm just a kid! I shouldn't be exposed to this! I feel like I'm being visually molested every time I go.

Your friend,
Chris

Dear Chris,

I have the exact same problem! It's November again and it's time for the Nutcracker performance. Ron's daughter takes dance so I'm supposed to go every year. You would think that after so many years of performing the Nutcracker that the dance teacher would get tired of it and move on to something new. I know I am personally so sick of it that I never want to see another "Nut"cracker again. There are so many other beautiful things they could be doing for Christmas besides this tired old story with the same old nuts flying across the stage.

I agree with you that the absolute WORST thing about the entire performance is having to see men in tights. And it's not as though this is necessary. There are actually dance tights for men that are tight on the legs but loose around the crotch. I don't know why the dance teacher feels the need to visually sexually assault us by putting his crotch on display. And not only that, but these guys are also wearing something similar to a jock strap underneath, to hold their bits and pieces in place so they don't flop all around when they are dancing. The only difference in this and a regular jock strap is that the dancer's strap is held in place with a thong so that it is less visible than the leg straps that a football player uses. So his jock strap makes his privates look bigger and grosser than they are supposed to.

I appreciate you asking me this question because I have been holding in these feelings about tights for quite some time now and this is just the opportunity that I needed to get my feelings out!

I can't really help you with a spell but I can certainly sympathize with you and write a rant about the topic so that hopefully someday the dance teachers will see it and know that we are OFFENDED by this.

You would think that in a small Southern town, like the one I live in, that the dance teacher would know that we are way too backward and closed-minded to accept something this obscene. Nearly everyone where I live was raised as a conservative Christian. There are several Christian universities and colleges right around this area. As you know, Christians aren't exactly known for their sexual openness. And even though I am no longer Christian, I pretty much still have the same hang-ups as most Christians. I don't want to see any person, male or female, displaying their private parts in public. Please keep that stuff to yourself. If you are SO PROUD of your genitals that you feel the need to show everyone, please do it on the Internet so that at least people have a choice whether they have to view it or not. Doing it on a stage at a children's dance recital is inappropriate at best and perverse at worst.

And that's the other thing... nearly ALL of the other dancers in the Nutcracker are little children. So you have a couple of older teenage girls and one man with a bulge and then about 40 little girls at waist height, dancing around trying not to stare at his bulge, which happens to be right in front of their face. Can it be any worse? I can't imagine how it could be.

I mentioned once to Ron's daughter, who was probably eight at the time, that I didn't care for the guys showing their private parts by wearing tights. Of course, I feel like a total heel when she said, "I've never noticed." Really? Never? It never occurred to you that the male dancer has a huge freaking bulge that the females don't have? You never noticed that every single line and curve in his ass and thighs are visible and look like they were carved into him? You just never noticed. Well, I did. And my mom did. And Ron did. And we all thought it was gross. We feel like we are having to watch porn just by being there. Not that porn is necessarily ALL bad, but you don't want to watch porn while your mom is there with you. Nor do you want to see little children dancing around the porn star. The whole thing is just disturbing to me.

Men are just so proud of their bits and pieces. They love to show them off whenever they get a chance. Of course, they never take into account that one out of every four women was sexually assaulted at some time in her life. Therefore many women have bad thoughts about your boy parts. We may not think as highly of them as you do. If so many men didn't use their parts as a weapon, I'm sure this wouldn't be the case. But the sad, sorry fact is that many men DO use it as weapon and they take great pride and joy in the thought that their very own human sword can hurt or maim another person (especially when that person is smaller and weaker than you. Oh you big man.)

Worry not, my sweet little birds (the girls). These boys will get what's coming to them. And I don't mean that in a vengeful way. The simple truth is that, when they cross over to the other side, they will have to relive all of their actions against others, except this time, they will experience things from your point of view. All of the pain, sorrow, anguish and abuse you endured will now be his burden to bear. And it will be even worse for him than it was for you, because at least you had the satisfaction of knowing that you were the innocent party. He will have to face the fact that HE caused this pain by his own lack of self-control or through his desire to watch others suffer. Knowing this has given me the knowledge that I needed to be able to feel sorry for the people who have caused me pain. Now I pity them for the suffering they will go through.

The moral of this is (forget the tights) that, even if someone ALLOWS you to mistreat them... Even if they provoke you or constantly play the victim with you, expecting you to hurt them... you must exercise restraint at all times. Never allow yourself to lose control to the point where you will lay your hands on another person. And this is not just a message for boys and men. This message is for mothers who lay their hands on their children in anger. You know that what you're doing isn't good for them. You have to realize that you are hurting them and creating mistrust in the relationship. There are better ways to handle things. And to learn these better ways, it's not even necessary to take a class or even read a freaking book (I know that's too much to ask of a lot of people.) All you have to do is watch Nanny 911, Supernanny, and The Dog Whisperer. Simple. Those shows will teach you the skills that you need in order to gain your child's respect and keep them under control without resorting to violence.

Sorry about the picture of the dude in tights. Here is something to get rid of that picture that was burned into your eyes.

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